She was becoming tuned to her senses, tasting what the group felt like. Each time coming into a clearer and finer point of focus. That old pattern of wanting to belong showing up in the sharp bang of dread that showed up in her stomach. Always pushing back the feeling eating her way into staying because she said she would. Every week wanting to not show up, to not have to eat to cope with the energy of belonging. What will she be without this group? Trying so hard to inspire, to crush her skin into a box of cookies. How do you belong yet not belong? She always finds herself again and yet again in the group, committed and not able to bear the sense her senses are sensing. She doesn't trust her self to trust her senses. What will the group say? What does she say to herself about, her self? Do you say, I don’t trust you little girl so you give your power to the group to be your god? Again she shows up and gets on call to be the support that the group leader can't even sense or acknowledge. So your working with the law of attraction group to attract what? Not a high vibration this pattern feels very basic, a very low vibration, doing something you dread, wishing you were no longer committed into it. Yet she can’t say no, she's a person that keeps her word, she's a leader of leaders. What are you if your not in groups she says? How do you trust your self to change your mind? How do you let go of this pattern of needing to belong? Maybe she says you can trust your senses? So if you sense fear do you go toward or away? How do you know if its your job to do? Maybe its the sense of ease and flow you feel as things feel when you don’t have to work so hard. Aren't you suppose to work hard for what you want she asks? You have never not worked hard. What would it sense like to not work or try hard? How would it sense to feel un-convicted to anything except that sensation of self love? I not know what that feels like she says, I’ve spent years covering the uneasy sensation with food, feeling of belonging more important than self love. Maybe you can just say no to everything and let no group belong to you. Be all groups but belong to none. Be a master of your senses to trust that tight rope of disappointing another for the sake of your anima (soul/spirit) sensing. Risk disappointing everyone to belong to only you.
Can you walk away form your investment, that large sum of money you gave into this group to wait until you are the leader so you can then receive? Are you walking away without your reward? Each week loosing energy to listening to break throughs and blocks yet never getting closer to being in the center. Maybe your place is not to be in the center. Am I missing out of the feeling of receiving? Or have you already received the gift of this un-belonging to truly belong to you.
Written 10/19/16 Listening Writers, Lafayette LA
Prompt “a tuned to her senses”
Can you walk away form your investment, that large sum of money you gave into this group to wait until you are the leader so you can then receive? Are you walking away without your reward? Each week loosing energy to listening to break throughs and blocks yet never getting closer to being in the center. Maybe your place is not to be in the center. Am I missing out of the feeling of receiving? Or have you already received the gift of this un-belonging to truly belong to you.
Written 10/19/16 Listening Writers, Lafayette LA
Prompt “a tuned to her senses”
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