​She was becoming tuned to her senses, tasting what the group felt like. Each time coming into a clearer and finer point of focus. That old pattern of wanting to belong showing up in the sharp bang of dread that showed up in her stomach. Always pushing back the feeling eating her way into staying because she said she would. Every week wanting to not show up, to not have to eat to cope with the energy of belonging. What will she be without this group? Trying so hard to inspire, to crush her skin into a box of cookies. How do you belong yet not belong? She always finds herself again and yet again in the group, committed and not able to bear the sense her senses are sensing. She doesn't trust her self to trust her senses. What will the group say? What does she say to herself about, her self? Do you say, I don’t trust you little girl so you give your power to the group to be your god?  Again she shows up and gets on call to be the support that the group leader can't even sense or acknowledge. So your working with the law of attraction group to attract what? Not a high vibration this pattern feels very basic, a very low vibration, doing something you dread, wishing you were no longer committed into it. Yet she can’t say no, she's a person that keeps her word, she's a leader of leaders. What are you if your not in groups she says? How do you trust your self to change your mind? How do you let go of this pattern of needing to belong? Maybe she says you can trust your senses? So if you sense fear do you go toward or away? How do you know if its your job to do? Maybe its the sense of ease and flow you feel as things feel when you don’t have to work so hard. Aren't you suppose to work hard for what you want she asks? You have never not worked hard. What would it sense like to not work or try hard? How would it sense to feel un-convicted to anything except that sensation of self love? I not know what that feels like she says, I’ve spent years covering the uneasy sensation with food, feeling of belonging more important than self love. Maybe you can just say no to everything and let no group belong to you. Be all groups but belong to none. Be a master of your senses to trust that tight rope of disappointing another for the sake of your anima (soul/spirit) sensing. Risk disappointing everyone to belong to only you.
Can you walk away form your investment, that large sum of money you gave into this group to wait until you are the leader so you can then receive? Are you walking away without your reward? Each week loosing energy to listening to break throughs and blocks yet never getting closer to being in the center. Maybe your place is not to be in the center. Am I missing out of the feeling of receiving? Or have you already received the gift of this un-belonging to truly belong to you.


Written 10/19/16 Listening Writers, Lafayette LA
Prompt “a tuned to her senses”

​A journey so deep, a big dark cavern of unknown, saying yes to something she didn’t understand and yet the path was laid almost predetermined. 
A jump into the fire of a yes so big she could’t in her mind figure it out. The unknown of a soul’s longing, so full and silent. Dark inside light. It required a trust and strength unknown to her soul. 
Each time she stepped into the desire all ways not knowing, all patterns of doubt slipped into her skin and the itching began. Can you hold still on this path, this way, this road and not scratch your itch? To turn to a yes she didn’t know she had inside her to follow a unknowing as she continued to her walk past the road blocks of personal doubt. 
It was a desire that burned so deep it could only be met with a jump, a bolt, holding-surrender, a walk into a unknown, a yes that she had never been met before. A jump, a bolt the biggest fear exposed standing naked in-front of a clothed world.
Why is the unknown souls longing showing up looking like this? I’m not a mountain climber, I’m not, well this isn't the story of what she’s not is it? Yet this, this yes that comes before thinking, comes before you even knew what you said yes to.
Maybe it works like that a desire burning, being put out by you “you can’t” ‘your not” all of those beautiful voices that kept you safe all these years. Yet you jumped, you bolted, you surrendered holy into a truer yes then you have ever responded to. Her trick was not question and trust, this new place of yes. So for 7 years she said yes, yes, yes, yes and now what? More Yes? Learning to find yes in a body that is full of the worlds itch. Yes mediation, yes path less traveled. Itch, breath, listen, know yes. Where is the source of desire? How do you stay on that true north of your unique desire, the path of your highest version of self.? She’s following the inner soul itch and taming the outer world itch.


January 2017 Listening writers group Breaux Bridge LA
It was a desire that burned so deep it could only be met with... (Prompt)

What and how who and when? The activation of your divine fingerprint the brain’s candy shop of delights. Come walk into the folds, storm’s are brewing, lighting strikes. Zapp unconscious is conscious. Running wild the hunch moves you deeper, darker, inward into the great unknown.
One thinks the sea is deep, some places so dark and so cold, yet life lives there.
Deep brain diving, is to dive into the folds of your ocean within. This diving requires no diving gear, only yourself, strap on pure time, UN-distracted time to explore. As you enter maybe you have a flash back, a past memory, keep going for the journey is long, stay in, follow the fingerprint spiral.
Each of us has a unique spiral on the top of your head, the way your hair grows is in a spiral. A spiral of your unique creation is is also on the heals of your feet and the folds of your very own one of a kind brain.
As you enter into the deep dark folds of space, into the unknown of you, be not afraid for the treasure resides deep within, the very stillness that holds your essence/soul into your body. Enter to the space without words, can you see the possibilities all residing at the same time?

FLASHBACK:
Your sitting, vision questing, praying, praying, praying, praying. Thousands of feet in thin air, frozen lake to your left. Moonless sky, valley of the peak of the keeper of time, Pacha Tusan, Peru. The Apu (collective mountain energy) that holds and grinds out the time of the world. You are to stay awake, you are to pray for the vision of you unfolding mission. A large bolder supports your back as you face the eastern sky. A million stars shine, it makes your eyes hurt to look into them and yet you wait and look and you see: The vision, a star showing you the way, shooting in a straight line from up to down, wonder of it all when yet another star shoots again in the same line in the sky, up to down. ZAPP, informed and initiated in the timelessness of time. A birth of senses, these senses have become unhatched giving you the road map, the blue print into your 5th dimension. Remember sitting in this new dimension as the sun rises, covered in ice crystals, warmed in your very soul.

So lets go back into your NOW mind, bring in the senses-unhatched. Can you see the divine perfection of your fingerprint? See the path in? Go past the gatekeeper, pay homage to your protector, offer a gift, the way ahead is full of waves of love, let the wave carry you as a serpent slithering, undulating, a quickening rising burst, shooting up and out, connecting storm of light to light of stars, up ,out, away and into. Residing, riding, being both physical and not physical a star rider.

Have you ever felt your heart cry, not a broken open sort of pain, more of a seeping, weeping, wringing out sob.
Eyes of my heart open, sensing, tentacles exposed in this world of whales beaching themselves, mass death on shore.
Vibrations reaching in and grabbing hold.
This water that you weave remembers and send impulses to awaken.
Whale pods lost and crying.
Maybe a sacrifice for the the worlds heart to open?
Water seeps out of the cracks in your scull as you remember the place you hold.
“Deep in my body my green heart turns and thinks of you” Sharon Olds 
This opening of spiral waves, flowing up into collective consciousness and down into the earth vibration, remember your light.
See through this green heart.
Say a prayer today for the 70 year old tree that will be sacrificed for the safety of the house and human.
Yesterday its brother gave his life and the day before that two sisters transitioned from tree to wood.
Am I the only one who's green heart cry’s.
Feeling the loss of shadow, light and wind through leaves.
Choosing to feel green, to feel blue.
Today I choose to feel violet.
Feel that tickle, as violet as it reaches into the pain of my green heart.
Feel the tears that soothe like a feather stroking the inside of your arm.
Nothing else can soothes like the wave of violet.
Choose again stillness.
Step into the shower.
Open each cell into the vast, violet, timeless, spaceless rain.
​Written January 18, 2016 Inspired by poem by Sharon Olds 

A pondering inspired from The Book of Awakenings, Mark Nepo who wrote “We tend to make the things in the way, the way”.
Maybe the way is a yellow arrow pointing the pilgrim in a direction.  Pointing his way to the WAY.  The way to where you might ask dear reader, is maybe the way to your WAY.  What is asked is, that you lay down the things that you tend to make the way, to step into the WAY.
To pilgrim is to pay attention, to listen, to flow.
Do you see that the world tends to make the things in the way, the way?
What do you stand for?
What do you walk for?
What do you let get in the way, of the way?
The light informs the darkness, step into the unknown light without burden of attachments.
Its maybe is to ask what my fellow pilgrim Becky asked each day on her pilgrimage; “What is my divine appointment today”?
Or maybe to ask how may I be a open anchored light in service?
This way of the divine feminine is a cup, a shell of containment that is held in your heart, so when you step into the WAY your heart overflows and joy seeps out creating light that surrounds your path opening up a river sparkling like the milky way shining through time. Touching all without speaking.
Pilgrim of peace, pilgrim of be-longing, pilgrim of divine flow, pilgrim of heart.
The WAY is out of the way. Exit out of your own way into the WAY, as a shell overflowing with wine pouring forth spilling over, drunk, red juice of the fermented grapes of the WAY plant.
If you dare, you will see the yellow arrow pointing you in the direction, you will take it.  Maybe seeing up head others who are your, divine appointments.
A wine font with a shell handle calls you forth to drink, communion with the sacred blood of the womb of the mother.  You stop take your backpack off, pull your cup off your pack and pull the lever. Wine pours on the on the cup filling up to overflowing soaking in the ground.  The snake is grateful for the ritual of the blood of the mother, is honored and the communion has be consummated. Now the blood, womb and pilgrim meet in the heart. Informed by this land of vineyards each bunch of grapes has the very shape of our lungs, breathing in the air, drinking up the dirt. Fire of the sun browning the skins.
Stop oh pilgrim, the grape harvest is surrounding you, the way slows you, shows you, it is time to celebrate. The village is in the field, they are clipping the lungs from the vine and the sweetness clings on the air as sticky bowed bright light.  
You are the WAY and you are on your WAY -pilgrim trust- your be-longing.  Trust that the village is awakening and there is nothing in your way to receiving that blood of the lungs of the mother. Just hold out your empty cup, hold out your open heart, put on your backpack and walk.

To be bound is to feel into the space of self and to be lost in the small self.  How many times I have found myself bound, bound by belief system that  have come through my linage? Can you feel that place of bound and feel into the feeling of deep despair?  Stuck un-holy connected to nothing.  As a snake eats its tail going around and round panic strikes. The way into un-bound is to step into the contraction.  To walk toward panic embracing the void of nothing.  To feed the stalker its self is the way into expansion of the  un-bound.

Where are the places inside yourself that are calling for un-bound LOVE?  These bound places are the most vast when you embrace the fear.  

Sitting curled in a ball sobbing at the Tennessee River rest area.  Bound in panic with no way in and no way out. How to do you exit the rest area when you find yourself not trusting yourself to drive? Sobbing and alone as I wait for my daughter to arrive, no way out from my patterns of behaving.  To sit open vulnerable while the world watches and sees. Yet there is no way in or out only surrender to the breakthrough.

No bridges. no driving. no confined spaces. no commitments. no crowds.  

The way to the freedom beyond panic is to go toward the places of binding.

12 years later I find myself in ceremony in the jungle of Peru choosing to
ingest the death vine.  Choosing to embrace the bound in enter a place of union with un-bound. To choose to ingest and surrender into the experience of death itself.  

I see myself watching the one who always has watched, watching me. Then a merging as a clay baby in the mud. Next surrender to being eaten by the snake mother asking me to un-bind to the physical body, yes I say into the void, to again go deeper....Poof.... released from the snakes mothers mouth and spit and split apart as a fractured multitude of gold pyramids emerging into the un-bound. A multitude of light, into nothing and then deeper.  To embrace the bound is the way to the light, your true essence. To struggle and wiggle and fight is the world. Stay focused as my sisters around me release and gasp.  Focus on the space of bound of that feeling of trapped, it is the way in to un-bind your truth.  
You have been given a gift, the gift will be transmuted as you go toward bound.
The world is about to shift form from expansive to still point and then contraction.  You are a cell in the world the germination of your experience is to be of service using your knowledge and wisdom of the trail of tears winding into the bound that lead you to understand you true self un-bound LIGHT.

Inspired by the image Bound by Claire Martin
Lori Henderson
October 11, 2016

Sitting at the base of the crystal pyramid awaiting the noon day center point of access into the LIGHT.  I see myself as a physical body, dense, hard on the ground, sitting still, eyes closed, palms open, legs crossed on the edge of a path of a busy intersection.  All languages drift into my ears, echoing across the plaza.  Today is the day the Inka returns to feed on light.  I go into a still point within the activity, a place beyond time, for it is my calling to activate and awaken the pyramid of LIGHT.  We sit 13 of us each in position around the square, we have sat here, on this one day, May 15th for 7 years now.  Today I see the cap stone on the peak of the pyramid with the keeper of the light activating the codes, the very strands of mass, awakening and anchoring the earth to its LIGHT.

It is very hot sitting in meditation from dawn to noon, many things try to bring me off my center and yet I hold the light, screwed into the path like a double cork screw, one spiral anchored down into the mother earth the other spiraling up into the rays of LIGHT.

7 years, one day, one sacred ceremony, gifted to western women, a ceremony not performed by any women for over 500 years and never by white western women.  For 7 years the journey back to Machu Picchu to the place that holds the light of the earth.

I know when the Inka reaches the top, I sense it with all my five physical senses and using other avenues of sensing as well.  He stands on top, sword in hand, feather headdress, rotating 360 degrees as he sees, eats and feeds on LIGHT.  One moment, one second in timelessness the Inka rushes toward me and enters into my forehead.  I shake, tears come, bliss, knowledge imparted as if lighting had struck me.  The food is like no other I had ever eaten.  DNA charged with the food of LIGHT.

Yesterday I was asked to track what is going on in our world today...........
 

I enter still-point and see an image of a circle with a line cutting through the center of the circle.


I am then told a that we are in a mythic story of creation, of all possibilities.  We are  entering into a new creation time where time will shift.  Humans will need to access the place where time stands still. To enter the center-point of creation of all possibilities.  The story unfolded showing people acting in their beliefs this had stopped them from entering still-point causing a wobble in the earths energy.  All need to still, to center, to go beyond personal story into collective stillness.  This is the way of an easy transition into the world of peace and universal prosperity we were born for.

Remembering what RUMI wrote “Climb as a sugarcane to sweetness
                                                      as water turns to vapor
                                                      as embryo lifts to discernment?

We are in the time of embryo, it is time to discern.  Find center-point, see the wobble of the world and choose the still-point.